måndag, september 24, 2007
reality check in midway!
hmm isn't it funny that you will never get contented with what you have? does that make you a perfectionist or somene who strives to get the best outta the situation?
i get freakin high marks for my mathematics and i aint happy as there were careless mistakes and that the average in my class is pretty high (in fact, very high). i become euphoric for seeing my essay distributed to the whole level although the marks i obtained and my name was not there. it was joyous as i never thought i could get that grade out of that juvenile, no-substance essay that didn't have any high-level vocab. and that euphoria lasted for a really short time. and then i began to contemplate why couldn't i get a higher mark. i am satisfied with the a1 i get in chemistry. and i keep thinking, you get 75, you get a1. you get 95, you still get a1. it doesn't really make any difference on your result slip then! i merely scraped through that a1 and am happy, but when i see all the people around me getting their mid-80s, my happiness vanishes. why must we always compete with each other? i think that our greatest enemy and competitor is ourself. but no one realises that in society. in life, everything's about RANKING and where you stand AMONG others. to me, i find that utterly pathetic.
i can well say that my results are so far alright, or maybe that my expectations were not that high. in fact i find my goals so much more lower than the others. but that, my friends, is how i find happiness and solace in that pathetic figure of numbers.
and isn't it weird to see a dark spot on your result grade? for this i meant my chinese. i thought i'll do okay, maybe get a b3 cos my marks have been improving. but to my chagrin and utter dismay, out came a d7. it was really shocking and during that few moments of calculating the final result, realisation dawned on me that i really gotta start brushing up on this subject i've alienated myself from since primary school. i dont want to fail and take chinese if i go to college (that is if im going!). no chinese for me, please!
so now, the dilemma comes again. college or polytechnic? i know everyone would tell me, go to a top jc. don't waste your potential cos you are really good! why go to a poly if you can easily go to a top jc? well, people. im not as great as ya'll think. i feel like giving up every now and then. but i see that light at the end of the road, though blur and distant. i tell myself that all i need is to suffer hell for 2 mths, and then next year, i'll get my fucking good results and have a better life knowing that i didn't disappoint and compromise my future by not studying hard enough. as my father said, only look in front, not back. i totally concur. but, i really am different from everyone out there. i talk differently, and most importantly, think differently. i dont believe in following societal norms. i believe in stepping out of the boundary and doing whatever suits your heart most, though it must be sensible and practical of course! so alright enough of this crap. which is better? i wish i had a vision or some enlightenment tellin me what i should choose.
till then, i have to shift my focus. i have to shift from relaxing and doing whatever pleases me. i have to stop thinking about the latest fashion, the latest look, the latest trends going on now.i have to place a sentry to block my mind of all thoughts of boys, you know what i mean. i have been getting lots of ISSUES with them. i have to change my lifestyle a little, actually DRASTICALLY. i have to start studying. and seriously, this time round.
NO MORE MISTAKES, cheri. NO MORE REGRETS, gabrielle. NO MORE , NO MORE.
por siempre tu, god.
fredag, september 21, 2007
IRONYisn't it ironic?
that you expect THIS to happen, but in the end, THAT happened?
isn't it ironic?
how you never expected this matter to turn out well but in the end it turned out so well it baffled you?
isn't it ironic?
that you never expected another matter to turn out badly but in the end it turned out so bad it overwhelmed you?
isn't it ironic?
that you get the things you want MOST in your life when you LEAST EXPECTED it, thus givin you a surprise?
isn't it ironic?
the world is an enigma that no one can ever solve.
this is getting really emo!
fredag, september 07, 2007
you see:a typical teenager. lookin rather okay.
probably at home studyin or restin.
wow. this girl's pupil is really huge. wide-eyed? with? love? no my friends, wide-eyed due to poisonin of bella donna.
she doesn't spend time at home doin 'normal' stuff like other 'normal' teens would be doin. she promised never to get back to her old habit that she indulged in, two painful years ago. and now, the habit's got to her. SELF-MUTILATION.
she just can't stop. and even if she wants to, it won't allow her to. IT just continues, on and on. looks pretty much like a french manicure, if she leaves it for three seconds, no?
it freakin hurts, but she can't help it. this life is breakin her down.she has to find a solution.
she has to kiss goodbye to her life, which was never more than a seemingly perfect facade.
au revoir...
lördag, september 01, 2007
three posts for three consecutive days!!!5 things
5 things you didn't know about me:
1. i am originally centre-parted, and still am.
2. i like countrysides and suburbs more than shopping centres.
3. i sleep on a double decker bed.
4. i love to eat.
5. i have a weight obsession and have distorted views about image.
i'm sure one or another is something you don't really know. and there ive said it!
and i seriously am not emo, haha.